


free falling

by written_you_down



Series: three [1]
Category: Bastille (Band)
Genre: Idiots in Love, M/M, all of my christmas fics and all of your christmas fics we post them one by one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27914998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/written_you_down/pseuds/written_you_down
Summary: Three times Kyle could've told Dan, but didn't.
Relationships: Kyle Simmons/Dan Smith
Series: three [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2044069
Comments: 10
Kudos: 25





	free falling

**Author's Note:**

  * For [breatherepeat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/breatherepeat/gifts).



> merry christmas, friend!  
> I figured if you could write about two flowers falling in love, I could write you one about two idiots falling in love.

The first time Kyle could’ve told Dan, but didn’t, was in 2010.

It was just before their sixth proper gig together as a full band. Dan had been a bundle of raw nerves the entire day—alternating between silence and short, clipped answers that he delivered with a bark. 

It wasn’t avoidance, exactly, but everyone was mindful to give him space. No one wanted to be bitten if they could altogether help it. 

Kyle was unbothered by Dan’s behavior. Kyle had always been the sort of person that gave pause when he saw a stray dog wandering alone somewhere it shouldn’t be. He always tried to make friends with the lost thing, to check its collar for identification, to reunite it with its owner, to help it find its way home.

So when Dan went silent and surly--even when he threatened to bare his teeth—Kyle was not afraid. He recognized the behavior for what it was: fear. 

With that in mind, Kyle went searching for Dan, but Dan wasn’t hiding in any place that made sense. He wasn’t in the wardrobe-sized space that passed for the dive’s green room, wasn’t backstage, wasn’t in the van. 

Kyle returned to the space where the rest of the band had gathered pre-show. Will didn’t look up from his phone or give any indication that he had noticed Kyle walk by for the umpteenth time other than to say, “He’s outside, tucked away around the corner. Proceed with caution.”

Kyle nodded and stepped out into the night. There were only a few people outside, grouped together, sharing laughs and smokes. He followed the length of the building, turned the corner, and found that it opened into an alley. His eyes adjusted to the darkness and landed on a figure, slouching on the curb, with a shock of black hair that pointed out in all directions.

He knew better than to wait for an invitation and simply lowered himself in the spot directly next to Dan. Kyle rested his forearms on top of his knees and glanced sideways at Dan. “Oi,” he said softly.

He watched as Dan curled further inward into a ball as if he were trying to make himself as small as possible. 

“Can’t,” Dan mumbled. 

Kyle considered Dan’s declaration and then looked up at the sky. There were too many lights around them to properly see the stars, but he searched for them anyway. In his periphery, he saw Dan lift his head and stare upwards. 

“You can. You already have,” Kyle answered. 

Kyle saw Dan turn to face him, eyebrows raised in a silent question.

“You’ve already done it five times, five gigs that I can personally vouch for.”

Dan didn’t reply but stretched his long legs out in front of him, unfolding his body just a bit. Kyle heard him take a deep breath and then follow it with another. 

His gaze still fixed on the dimmed stars, Kyle kept his tone light and conversational. “You know. If you get stuck, you can always look to me. I mean. I’m right there.” Kyle laughed softly. “Literally. Right behind you. You’ve seen how minuscule that stage is.”

Dan still didn’t speak but shifted again. From the corner of his eye, Kyle watched Dan uncross his arms from the front of his chest. 

For a handful of minutes, it was just the two of them, silent but for the sound of them breathing. 

Kyle’s mind splintered into a million different directions: he wished he knew the name of constellations, he wished he knew the best way to reach Dan, he wished he had a name for the feeling that was beginning to flicker in his chest. 

He said none of those things and simply sat next to Dan, staring at the stars.

After a while, Dan rose from the curb and stood before Kyle. He reached his hand out, waiting for Kyle to take it. Kyle grasped it and Dan pulled him to his feet. Neither said a word as they made their way back into the building. 

Not even an hour later, halfway through the second song of the set, Dan turned and faced Kyle. His blue eyes went wide with anxiety. Kyle met them with a steady gaze, hands on the keys as he continued to play. He grinned at Dan and shook his shoulders to the beat of the song, in a shimmy shake sort of dance. 

Dan blinked and the corners of his mouth turned upwards, his eyes suddenly full of something, something else. 

Dan bobbed his head from left to right with his own sort of dance. It was ridiculous enough that the both of them broke into laughter. Dan moved to face the crowd again and carried on with the song.

Kyle felt a grin stretch across his face and it was then that he started to suspect that he was fucked, that he was a cliché, that he was well on his way to falling for Dan.

—

The second time Kyle could’ve told Dan, but didn’t, was years later in Russia.

Kyle woke in a sweat. He was tangled in the sheets of his bunk on the bus and was simultaneously burning up and freezing. He rolled his head to the side and buried his face in his pillow, mentally cursing his fortune. The virus, an insultingly _common_ , common cold, had meticulously woven its way into each member of the band. 

Dan had been the last person to struggle with it, and Kyle supposed he had picked it up from him. Gingerly, Kyle swung his legs out of his bed and began a slow shuffle to the front of the bus. He remembered seeing a nearly full bottle of cold medicine on the kitchenette counter earlier that evening. 

He softly closed the door to the bunk area and found that he wasn’t alone in the bus’s lounge space. There on the couch—hoodie on his head, earbuds snaking up from his laptop and his face lit from the computer’s screen—sat Dan.

Dan appeared startled to see Kyle at that hour. As he took in Kyle’s appearance, the surprise fell from Dan’s face and was immediately replaced with concern. He removed his earbuds and scooted over to make room for Kyle to sit. 

“You look off colour. It’s got you, hasn’t it?” Dan asked.

It took all the energy Kyle had to reply, “Cough syrup. Kitchen?”

Dan jumped up. “Sit! Sit. I’ll fetch it.”

Kyle slumped on the couch and watched Dan pour a plastic cupful of the dark green syrup. He accepted it from Dan and drank it in one go. It tasted terrible, but Kyle distantly hoped the nastiness equalled potency and that it would work quickly. 

As Dan sat down next to him, Kyle felt a body chill take him from the roots of his hair to the top of his toes and he shivered. 

“Oh, mate. I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t do this to you,” Dan said sadly before pulling his sweatshirt up and over his head. He handed it Kyle. “Here. Take it. You look as if you need bundling.” 

Kyle accepted this, too, from Dan with no argument and put it on. As he did, Dan reached over and grabbed a pillow. He balanced the pillow against the side of his leg. 

“Kyle. Lie down. I’ll sit with you.” Dan patted the pillow to emphasize his offer. 

“S’ok. It’s late. You should be in your bunk…”

“I still have work to do. I’ll be awake a while longer. Come on then.”

Kyle felt the medicine begin to wrap around him and blinked slowly. There was a moment he thought about arguing with Dan, but he let it go like he was releasing a balloon. The protest floated up, up and away. 

Kyle laid down on his side, his head pressed into the pillow against Dan, his chin buried in the hoodie that was still warm and smelled of Dan. It was loads better than suffering alone in his bunk. 

“This is better,” Kyle mumbled.

Dan laughed softly and moved his laptop back into place. Before long, Kyle heard him tapping on the keyboard. He felt Dan rest his hand lightly on the top of Kyle’s head and idly moved his fingers through Kyle’s hair.

Kyle drifted off, full of cough syrup and the feeling that, once again, he was falling further for his friend.

Powerless to stop either, he let both overtake him and was soon asleep. 

—

The third time Kyle could’ve told Dan, but didn’t, was during a video chat.

The world was wrecked by a pandemic and nothing was the same. 

Dan’s face filled the screen of Kyle’s laptop, his hair so blonde that it was practically white. What had begun as a “check in” had stretched into a two hour call. Kyle didn’t think either of them had planned on speaking for so long, but he found that he couldn’t click the ‘x’ on the screen that would make Dan disappear from his life again.

“It’s mad, innit?” Dan wondered. “How absolutely fucked it is right now?”

“Bonkers,” Kyle confirmed. “This is the most time I’ve ever spent in this flat. If I had known the lockdown was to be this long I would have…” 

_…would have begged you to move in with me_ , his brain autocorrected, unhelpfully.

“…bought more puzzles.”

Dan’s wifi was so bad that he didn’t seem to notice the break in the middle of Kyle’s meandering statement.

Dan laughed, as he often did at Kyle’s observations and agreed. “We really should think of selling puzzles as merch. We could retire properly on that.” 

“Maybe we could if this thing goes on towards Christmas. We could probably get away with it then. They’d have to be desperate for entertainment.” Kyle thought about it for a moment. “What’d you reckon we could put on it? Will’s face would probably sell well.”

Dan leaned forward in glee and his laughter came through Kyle’s speakers and filled his room. Kyle wished the sound could bounce off of his walls without the aid of his computer’s audio. Never again would he take being around Dan in person for granted.

Kyle didn’t vocalize that, of course. Instead he said, “Or we could use an image from your top secret artwork for the new top secret single. It’ll probably be December before you’re done tinkering with it.”

Dan snorted. “Oh, fuck off. It needs work.”

“No, Dan. It really, really doesn’t. I’ve heard the latest version. You sent it to me this afternoon, remember?”

Dan gave a sheepish smile and lifted his shoulders in response. “I might have added—“

“Oh, Christ. You’ve changed it again since then? What have you done?” Kyle shook his head. “You’ve gone and redone the vocals in another language or some other nonsense, haven’t you?”

Dan laughed again. “Nothing as major as all that. I just—“

“No,” Kyle held up his hands. “Don’t tell me. I don’t wanna know. You’ll just go and change it again. I can’t go getting all emotionally attached to it again. My heart is too fragile.”

“This has been good,” Dan said somewhat abruptly. “Good to see you. I’ve missed it. This is the longest I’ve gone without seeing you since we started the band.”

Kyle smiled. “I was just thinking about that and…”

_and about a million other things about you…_

“and yeah. I’ve missed it, too.”

Dan looked well pleased before his eyes suddenly cut to the top of Kyle’s screen. “Ahhhh. Shit. I’m about to run out of battery. I should go. Sorry.”

“No, hey. It’s fine I—“

Dan interrupted Kyle and Kyle wasn’t sure if he could blame Dan’s wifi again, if it was rotten timing, or if Dan just didn’t want to let Kyle finish. 

“Will you come to Jack’s as soon as they lift the non-essential work ban?”

“What? And sing my bit in Spanish?” Kyle joked, desperate to recover the earlier mood.

Dan grinned. “Obviously and because, well, I—“

Kyle watched as his laptop’s screen suddenly went dark and Dan disappeared. Either Dan’s battery had died or Dan had taken to making dramatic exits during the lockdown.

Kyle went about turning off his computer and making sure it was plugged into an outlet to charge—as sensible adults do— when he heard his mobile vibrate with a new text. He flipped it over and a message from Dan filled his screen: 

**come to Jack’s to work on your bit  
and because I miss your face**

And just like that, Kyle was free falling again.

**Author's Note:**

> two more stories to follow in this series as part of the December-gift-fic-project...


End file.
